I like being stimulated and stretched and also having a good workout. I don't just mean physically but mentally as well. It's why I love good conversation (well arguments), writing, working on problems and - don't you dare groan - chess.
Chess and red wine go together like bread and cheese, male and female or whatever else takes your fancy. If I'm playing with my BoyFriend I also like to have a good sing-a-long CD blaring out as I rally my troops and charge head first into battle. He makes a move and I sing a duet with Shania, "Okay, so you're Kasparov. That don't impress me much ..."
Actually this doesn't really impress the boyfriend (BF) much either. He'd prefer the ticking of the clock as we silently move our pieces, I'm still talking chess here! I can do quiet, that's why I'm into Yoga and meditate most days, but come on now, chess is to be lived. I'm out to flatten his King. It doesn't have to be all stodge and long faces. I tend to shout and whoop as I play and have adventures buzzing around inside my head. It's fantasy time!
If I was a chess piece I'd be the Queen (but would prefer to be called a Princess), she gets all the fun. She can go anywhere, in any direction, and as far as she wants. Powerful? Not half! The King is burdened with responsibility and can't move about much but me, as the Queen, is out having a good time and if I can leap upon a Knight so much the better. "Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction ..."
Not sure if this would be allowed by the World Chess Federation, or comes within the British Chess Code, but it's time for a chess revolution!
I like to play with the board (sixty-four squares, eight rows in each direction) on a low coffee table. BF sits on a chair one side. I sit on the floor opposite with a few cushions so I can fall sideways or backwards depending on how I feel I'm doing. With a glass of red wine next to the board and a few nibbles off we go. "Make a wish - make a move. Make up your mind - you can choose ..."
White goes first.
Each player has sixteen pieces, or men, one set traditionally in black and the other white. The pieces each move in their own special way. There are eight Pawns each. These are the foot soldiers, the least important people, the lot the government don't really care about too much. A bit like old people wanting good health care, the homeless or children living in poverty. So we lose a few ...
Of course, once in a while the Pawn does the unexpected, exceeds expectation, and fights his/her way right across the board and becomes a Queen. Magnificent! Wouldn't it be great if all Pawns had the encouragement and chance to reach the other side? "They said, I bet they'll never make it. But just look at us holding on ..."
If you don't know much about chess I'll leave a list at the end as to how each piece moves, you can then miss it out if you want.
Right, as well as the Pawns, there are two Castles (often called Rooks). These are quite powerful and solid but they really need a fairly empty board to develop their full strength. I've plied them with Viagra but it still takes a while for this to work on them, but once they are roused, wow! They can shoot about in any straight line, right across the board if necessary.
Next come two Bishops. Trust the church to want power over the Pawns. Typical of them. They are so set in their ways they have to stay on the same colour squares they started out on. They can't give a bit, oh no, rules is rules. Trouble with this is they can't move forward, they are always going diagonally. I don't like Bishops much. "If elephants could fly I'd be a little more optimistic ..."
Ahhh! Now the Knights. I quite fancy them. You've no doubt heard that saying about, 'Once a King always a King but once a Knight is enough'. Don't altogether agree with this, but there are two Knights on my side and two to attack as well. So there are quite a few interesting possibilities, don't you think? The Knight is really a bit of a show off. He moves about the board in a most peculiar way, almost like a dance movement. "Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special. Oh-oo-oh you think you're something else ..."
Then there is the King and Queen which I have already mentioned, just one of each, of course, on each side.
The whole idea of the game is to capture the opposing King. When this is achieved it's game over, the battle hs been won. Now there are all sorts of opinions and suggestions about the best way to play chess. There are even what are called classic openings such as the Ruy Lopez, the Giuoco Piano and the Evans Gambit. Guess what though? I don't care a toss about all this. I just play my way and attack, attack, attack.
This means that sometimes I don't win! I don't like this very much but you can't live life, not taking any risks and being oh so careful. "I'd rather die standing than live on my knees, begging please ..."
But when I win, it's great, it's dramatic, it's exciting and, "Man! I feel like a woman!". I whoop and roll about on the floor singing my heart out while BF gets the grumps. If you play chess with someone you can often discover their personality. There's the very careful person who's main aim is not to lose. At the other extreme is the one who just goes for it and doesn't give a damn. On a scale of one to ten BF's about a five. He'll play safe, weigh up the odds and take chances only if things are mathematically in his favour. A typical B.A (Hons), A.C.A. in fact! "Be a winner - be a star. Be happy to be who you are ..."
In think there's a lot of rubbish spouted about chess (and I've no doubt added to it) but it's a great game. It's not difficult to play if you treat it as fun. It doesn't just have to be played by skinny, angular faced men in tweed jackets who have lost the will to smile. It's a game for everyone, forget all the tosh talked about it and just enjoy. "No inhibitions - make no conditions. Get a little outta line ..."
The only tip I'd give is not to hesitate to push home your advantage, when you are sure you have one, by exchanging pieces and so reducing your opponents proportionate strength. As in life we have to sieze our opportunities. Oh yes, and be nice and look after your Pawns, after all they have the potential to become a Queen (Princess/Prince).
If you sometimes think that, "This job's a pain - it's so mundane. It sure don't stimulate my brain ..." Then you need chess!
- Jayne
P.S. The songs are from Shania Twain's CD 'Come On Over'. Apologies for my taste in sing-a-long music. Nevertheless a smacked bottom if you were a spoil sport and didn't join in!
APPENDIX - THE TECHNICAL BIT
Miss this section out if too boring! Yawn!
•How The Pieces Move
King: One square in any direction
Queen: Any number of unoccupied squares in any direction, straight or diagonal
Castle: Any number of unoccupied squares in any direction in a straight line
Bishop: Any number of unoccupied squares in any direction but only diagonally
Knight: One square straight in any direction and then one square diagonally in either direction. A Knight can leap over other pieces.
Pawn: Forward only one square except on first move when can move two squares forward.
•Arrangement Of Chess Pieces On The Board
Each player lines up his/her peices on the back row of the board nearest to him/her. The King & Queen are on the two middle squares of the back row with the Queen on her own colour. Next to the King & Queen is a Bishop, next to the Bishop a Knight, next to the Knight a Castle.
In the second from back row go the eight Pawns.
•Object Of The Game
Move your pieces, each player in turn, to enable you to capture the opposing King. If a player puts the King in danger it is said to be 'in check'. If the King is unable to avoid the danger and so will be captured it is 'checkmate'. i.e. the game is over, the King has fallen.
•To Capture The Opponents Pieces
A chess piece is captured by the opponent occupying the square on which it stands and removing it from the board.
•More Stuff
There is more to Chess (e.g. Castling, Queening a Pawn, Forcing a Draw etc), but there's plenty of info about that will tell you all the rest. This is after all an opinion and the opinion is: 'Chess is fun!'
"From Utah to Texas, Minnesota, Mississippi too
Or Nevada, no matter where you live -
This buzz is for you ..."
Sorry, that's me and Shania singing again!
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